I just finished watching the film 'Children of Haiti' on one of my favorite programs 'Independent Lens'. I recommend it to you. I must have cried throughout the entire thing. I cry a lot. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. I feel a lot. Moments like these have been brought upon me more and more; moments where I see the suffering of others, the suffering of the world. Maybe its because I am suffering myself. But my suffering is self inflicted, I have been desiring things I have never desired before. How selfish. Here I am trying to 'find myself' when there I am the entire time. Have you read 'Ishmael'? Theres a little piece right in the beginning where its said that spiritual paths are all inherently selfish because you look into yourself, Its about you and not the world. I agree to an extent and disagree to another. I also subscribe to the idea that you've got to get yourself together first before you can help anyone or anything. To be a living example of that which you believe. And to live absent of all that you consider evil. Its all gravy on paper, intellectualized, or as a philosophical idea, but in moments where the ugly reality is shoved in your face its so ridiculous. How is me finding myself, painting, and doing all the things I enjoy going to help the child I see starving? What am I doing to better the lifes of my brothers and sisters? Theres this part in the Tao Te Ching that says "The world is sacred. It cant be improved. If you tamper with it, you'll ruin it.." I dig that and understand it completely, I live it mentally and spiritually but at the same time I am Human, I feel things, you cannot take that away from me. The Tao goes on to say, "The master sees things as they are, without trying to control them." Word, right? Let me connect with a hungry, poverty stricken soul, a suffering soul and tell them that everything is perfect in every moment. Is that not almost an insult?! William Blake has this poem, it starts: "Can I see another's woe, And not be in sorrow too? Can I see another's grief, And not seek for kind relief?.." I cannot. These philosophies are so wonderful and 'eternal, never born; thus can never die' they 'Have no desires for itself; thus is present for all beings'. Thinking on it Zen is like that, a lot of things then come to be like that; very paradoxical and complexly simple. So is the point present. "The point present is the moment in which there is no change. It is as paradoxical as the Mathematical point- which is considered to have no size, but nevertheless to be capable of accumulation to form a line!" Is that not synonymous with these philosophies? This is from a book named 'The Glorious Presence' on the Vedanta Philosophy, It has come to make a big impact in my life. It goes on, "The practical present is quite different; it contains some past and future. This is the actual present time that we experience in our lives, and it can be larger and smaller in different persons." I think that is the nature of this thought, I accept the point present, and am living consciously in the practical present. 'Thoughts weaken the mind' -Tao. And thought is evident in my practical present. I accept the paradox I find myself in. I cannot be in every moment entirely centered, or one with nothingness. What would that make of the world? Nature is always there; a sunflower seed will always bring forth a sunflower. It is what it is. I am Human, I suffer from a fullness of life and empathy If it hinders me so be it. It is part of my experience. Balance is key to life. I walk the line between oneness and separation. Both help to connect with another. Children are some of the most intriguing souls. Beautiful and do not possess vocabulary enough to complexify or falsify the truth. Maybe thats why this film was so touching, who cannot feel for their Innocence.
I want to hold hands, and maybe have a conversation with my Inner Child.
